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“The past is our definition. We may strive, with
good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is
bad in it, but we will escape it only by adding
something better to it.”Â
- WENDELL BERRY
Leslie Poles, the famous writer once said that “the past is like a foreign country; they do things differently there.” Your past can do only one of two things for you. It can either empower you and serve as a place to learn and take joy from or it can limit you and keep you locked up in your rigid older self.
The common definition for insanity is expecting a different result by doing the same thing. If you keep doing what you’ve always done you will keep get what you’ve always gotten. This is why change is so important. There is a big difference between doing more and delivering more. When you deliver more you are creating more of what you really want. When you do more you just work harder and often with the same results as yesterday. This is why most people are just caught up in a cycle of behaviours where they keep doing the same things over and over again trying to produce a different result. In doing this they are actually re-creating and re-living “yesterday” every day. You have to start doing things differently if you want to produce a result and experience your life differently from what you had yesterday.
The challenge is that most people have ineffective strategies for life. The only strategies they know are the one’s they’ve tried before; from their past. They just keep using the same strategies over and over again and experience the same results over and over again. Out of frustration they then think they need to work harder to create what they really want. This then only creates the same results faster which starts a downward spiral that leads to “more of less.” When you keep doing things the way you’ve always done them you will only produce more of it and if you work harder at it you will only produce the same thing quicker which leads to you trying to do more and so on and on and on.
You needn’t reinvent the wheel to do things differently. Most often it is the smallest change that causes the biggest shift. Keep doing something differently until you get the results that you want. Reliving your “old” life is not a life worth living. Experiencing the fullness of life will only come from stepping outside your “knowledge base” which is grounded in what you “know” which is nothing other than your past. Whether you are remembering (your past) or experiencing (your present) or imagining (your future) you can always control and direct it with you amazing mind to create whatever you want for all of life is lived in thought anyway.
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“Everything that irritates us about others can
lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
 - CARL JUNG
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Human conflict is inevitable. It is just part of life. The fact that we don’t live in isolation, means that we are always in the company of other people. Â We rely on other people for numerous reasons other that mere survival.
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One of the big challenges that we all face, almost on a daily basis, is that we are often in environments where there are people with values and beliefs different to our own. All human conflict start with a difference in beliefs and values. When people value different things and they belief in what they value, then inevitably you will have conflict. Every single war in the world to date is/was the result of conflicting beliefs; that which people believe is right or wrong.
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We all have people in our lives that can really get to us. That person that can really wind you up and sometimes the smallest things they do can drill down right to your core. It is often at these people that you lash out in anger or build up resentment. These people that really test your patients and your strength of character are actually the very people from whom you can learn the most about yourself. Their ability to “get to you” surely means something? How can two people do exactly the same things and only one of them irritate you? The truth is that those things that irritate you most about others are actually a reflection of what you are insecure or unsure about. It can reveal your own weaknesses and that is often why we react in anger towards these people.
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Learn to be grateful for your worthy opponents though. It is because of them that you have to step up and become more, bigger and stronger. Start to see them as “gifts” that are on your path for a reason. As I am writhing this I am facing some serious challenges with some people who are trying to hurt me. At first I reacted with a lot of anger and resentful towards them. At first I thought “how on earth can they do such a thing?” but then I realized that the anger and resentment won’t get me (or them) anywhere (better).
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I have two very empowering beliefs that is really carrying me through this. The first one is that I believe that I am bigger than anything that life can possibly throw at me. All the challenges that come along my path is there for me to learn from and to grow. The bigger the problem the bigger the opportunity. The bigger the problem the bigger I have to become to deal with it. These people are indeed my worthy opponents and I am grateful for them. This came along my path so I can grow and become that which I really aspire to be as a person. The second belief is that I belief that in every disappointment and problem lies the seed op an equivalent or greater opportunity. I now look for the solution and focus on finding the benefit instead of sulking in anger and despair. This is how I turned a potentially devastating life crisis into a new and immensely empowering situation.
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Even though my beliefs help me in finding solutions and dealing with the situation from a place of love, there is still a lot of insecurity and uncertainty. So how do I banish the uncertainty? I believe that this is where you need to have some faith. In A Course in Miracles there is a prayer that is guiding me every step of the way. I have written about it before. From my experience it really is true. It goes like this:
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If you knew Who walks beside you along this path that you have chose, you will never experience fear ever again.
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Without fear anything is possible. Without fear nothing can hold you back and no problem is too big. Without fear you can truly be, do and have whatsoever you want.
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